A woman told me she was pregnant 2 years back with her baby girl – now a cute 2 years toddler. She said she had an ultrasound by her doctor. She is a modern educated woman and she had no interest in finding out the sex of the baby. But he demanded to know the sex. The doctor said it was a girl. He appeared to nod his head as a perfect model husband would and as a gentleman would, in front of the doctor. But as soon as they came out of the doctor’s clinic he became very angry, started shouting and screamed abuse, he hit her stomach hard and said I don’t want a girl, you are pathetic, and you can’t even produce a son.
This is a true story and it is happening here in Melbourne. He is able to pretend to be a sophisticated modern 21st century gentleman in front of a doctor but at home and to his wife he is the opposite.
The same man and his mother constantly complained they did not get enough cash as dowry. He once wrote on his Facebook page – they all want an educated son-in-law but they complain if they have to give dowry. It shows how being a man made him think he had power and greed over his bride and her parents.
He told her if she wanted to live with him she will have to obey him, he is the man of the house.
He kicked her so hard in her stomach, bashed her, until she was black and blue. She then developed bleeding and had to be admitted to a hospital. Research shows that domestic violence in pregnant women leads to poor development of babies. Bleeding in uterus means the baby does not get enough nourishment. The babies are stunted and can arrive early. Mothers are stressed and produce stress chemicals that can affect the baby‘s brain and health negatively. After birth they may not grow properly.
‘It’s a girl’ are the three deadliest words in the world according to the documentary by Grae Evans
How a new father has a mindset that does not want his own child. Migration to a first world country where women and men are treated equally; education which is supposed to open your mind to new ideas and a wish to learn appears to have had no influence on that man’s backward anti-female attitude.
It appears it is a wrong kind of education he has been receiving. It seems to me that if he as a child was taught compassion and empathy at home and at school in his developmental years he would be nicer human being –not the one who just puts on a false charm to trick people. He would have grown up to feel and recognise that another person’s pain was just like his own pain. Empathy teaches us to walk in someone else’s shoes, be caring and kind , be humane .
Imagine a world without women and girls. There will be not enough mothers to reproduce babies, not enough women for wives, rapes will increase, and human trafficking will increase, prostitution will increase
Once a young lady doctor told me that she was working in the delivery room of a hospital in Melbourne. An Indian lady delivered a baby girl. The doctor was so pleased with the lovely baby, she came out all smiles to announce to the husband and mother-in-law. She said she was shocked to see their reaction. Mother-in-law did not smile, just stared straight ahead, husband did not go in to see his wife or his baby. He said he had to go to work and left
I try to understand why a mother-in-law a woman herself will not want a baby girl.
The feminine charm, intelligence, nurturing, warmth, domestic bliss that only a woman can add to the house- appears to have no value for such people. Only men have value. A woman who is emotionally and monetarily dependent on her son will want power for her son, she gets power through him. That grandmother is supporting patriarchy.
A toxic mixture of greed and patriarchal mind set is causing problems. Greed or quick- get- rich -scheme – grab the bride’s parent’s hard earned money. Anyone with self-respect will not want to be seen to be begging for dowry, or holding a self-entitled and abusive attitude. I have met so many fathers and mothers who value their daughters and women and girls in their families. They seem so happy and contented.